Apparently this year turned out to be a bigger conglomeration of shit than I realized it would be…I’m just really disappointed in a lot of things right now, I guess, including myself. Feeling like I can do great things means nothing in the face of my total lack of motivation and drive. This grandiose idea of my great potential is eating away at me while I sit and believe everything will turn out just fine if I do nothing about it. Really, I’m just incredibly sad right now, and incredibly pissed at myself.
Strangely, after the first few days of a long period in a specific place, I spend some time in a depressive state. It’s almost as though I am adjusting to somewhere I don’t want to be, adjusting myself to the disappointment before it’s ever started. Stranger still, I can’t think of anywhere else that would make me feel differently.